I Am The Receiver

I am often overwhelmed with my past. There is not much to proud of or to speak of there. I was a complete disaster. And though that is not who I am now...my past does creep up on me at times and slap me across the face. I am a former pit-dweller and every now and then I return to my pit - the one I decorated and lived in for so long - and I allow the memories to wash over me and even begin to choke me.

I am secure in who I am in Christ...please don't get me wrong. I have been rescued and God has no desire for me to jump down into the past so that I can be burdened again. By His grace I was, as I said, rescued and He has used it in incredible ways. Ways that I never thought possible and have brought hundreds, I am sure, to a place where healing can begin. I have confidence, like Joseph, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20)

When the old feelings begin, when satan whispers in my ear, I only need to go to Scripture to be reminded of a love that does not end...and does not even depend on me.

In the Hebrew Old Testament there are two forms of love that are used to describe God. The first is Ahab: it means to desire, to be inclined to, to delight in, to breathe after. I believe, as we have been made in His image, this type of love is part of who we are. It is a feeling, a very strong feeling.

The other kind of love used in Hebrew is Chesed: it describes loyalty, steadfastness, a covenant commitment. It accepts moral obligation for the welfare of the person who is loved. It is a kind of love that does not depend on the response or behavior of the receiver. This is a kind of love that is unique to the character of the only God. God does not depend on us to love Him back, He loves because we are His creation. No matter who we are and how hard we push Him away, God remains loyal. He has made a promise to us to love us...no matter what.

"I have loved you with an ever-lasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3

The first love is ahab and the second is chesed: " ...I have stretched out commitment to you no matter what happens."

This love becomes very visible when we look at Jesus. Blood shed for a world who doesn't even know His name. In Greek, this is agape: unconditional love.

This love is what I have to keep coming back to. This love is what brought me out of the pit. This love is what keeps me sharing my story to a world who desperately needs healing. This love is redemption.