Free

I hate that feeling of being defeated. And, man, the enemy is so good at it. Everything in this world seems to tell me that nothing I do can ever be is good enough. I know that this weakness of feeling is what the enemy waits everyday to jump on.

Yesterday, my mom and I drove to Pocatello to celebrate the life of a man of God. Manfred Berndt loved his Jesus and served him. And as I sat in that church where I grew up with that man as my Pastor, where I was confirmed, where I was sent out on mission trips, where I served for five years...where I was defeated and devastated...the enemy began inching his way into that broken heart of mine. My eyes have shed tears today of the pain that I felt there.

But I cannot live in this place of defeat. Because, it was not all pain there. So much good happened. My faith increased, God worked miracles, I served faithfully for five years and was able to serve hundreds of people. So why does my mind continually tell me that I am no good. I think, because at this moment in this day I am not allowing the Word to wash over me. The Word that Manfred Berndt wanted shared at his celebration.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2

The enemy has no right to condemn me to worthlessness. I live in Christ Jesus, my Lord, who has raised me above this. I was not called to dwell in my pain...I was called to live in freedom...by the Spirit of life! Oh, Jesus, wash that over me moment by moment. Holy Spirit, remind me every minute that I am Yours. God of refuge, You are my Rock of salvation!

Glory be!

Raw Life

I need a Word from the Lord. Seriously. I am speaking in two weeks at the women's retreat at Camp Perkins. God has given me the map, I know where I am suppose to go...but my page is blank. The theme is MORE. And looking at my journal, that is what I need, just a little bit more.

I really am not worried about it...in fact I am waiting for God to wake me up one night and set me down at the table in the quietness of the house and let it flow. He does that sometimes. Thank goodness for prayer warriors whom I am sure God will wake up with me and will be sitting around the country at some silent moment and be praying.

But something did strike me tonight as I sit here at Moxie reading the Word. I was reading about Adam, trying to get a good grasp on the Hebrew translation and oh my, what our english misses is incredible.

Genesis 2:7, "...the Lord God formed the man froom the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."

When God formed the man, the Hebrew says that He squeezed the man from the clay...just as a potter forms his or her creation. God was so deliberate in the creating and then as that lifeless body lay there, God puffed or blew a blast of raw, fresh, strong life into that man.

As I sit here, alive...breathing, I know I need that breath. Though I am yes, alive, I need a blast a raw, fresh, strong life that sees the world that God created through new eyes. Through eyes that are in total relationship with Christ. And as I walk, I want to walk with God beside me...in conversation with me...with me listening. Oh, if I would only listen.

May God do that to you today too. May God puff a blast of life into you and may you walk remembering that every moment God is whispering to you, "Sweet child, that is for you. So is that." Look around and behold His glory.

Grace From Grandma

A couple of months ago I was cleaning my office. For those of you who know how my office has been in the past, shocker, I know. And I must confess, I don't think my call or my worth should be based on my office, I work in piles. Deal with it. Ok, with that said...grace...

Anyway, while I was cleaning my office I went through a box that I inherited after my Grandpa Fisher died. There wasn't much in it: spices (how old?), a Lutheran Hour booklet, a cookbook and a Bible study that my Grandma had done. This last discovery brought tears to my eyes. My Grandma was not in good health at the end of her life, and she left this world for her eternal home in July 2004. This Bible study was done in late 2000 (she dated it) and she wrote in it. Not a lot, it was so hard for her to write, but I am able to read some of her notes and how she penned her faith.

I have been working on this Bible study now for the last three weeks. It is not the deepest Bible study I have ever done, but my Grandma left me messages of grace, and that makes it one of the most special Bible studies that I have sat through in my quiet time.

Grace. Abundant. Simple. Sincere. Free. Open. Love. Forever.

"You have been set free from sin..." Romans 6:18

That's it. See?

Forever. Love. Open. Free. Sincere. Simple. Abundant. Grace. Yours. Mine.

Still Farther

Still Farther. This will be theme when I speak at the Women's Retreat at Camp Perkins this coming fall. Still Farther. I am only 34 years old. There is so much more life to happen.

When David became king he fell onto his knees, went back onto his haunches and prayed in total awe, "Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 2 Samuel 7:18.

David was praying this before Bathsheba, other wars, Mephibosheth...before his family turned on him. He had come so far...yet he still had farther to go. And even in the midst of sin and death and grief...he had moments of joy and triumph and peace. And at the end, when he had gone the farthest God would allow, David gave glory to the Almighty.

I am like David. It seems like I have come so far; and I know I have, really. But there is so much more. Who am I, God, that you have let me come this far...and there is father still to go. God, I want to bless you. Make my life an offering to you.

I Am A Farmer's Daughter

My dad was a farmer in Fruitland, ID when I was little. During the harvest he would let me climb up in the combine with him, I loved that time. It gave me a chance to get away from my brothers and just spend time with my dad. Rarely did I get alone time with dad, I was a busy little girl with mud puddles to jump in and ditches to play in, but on occasion I left my dirty world behind and stood above with my dad.

It was breath-taking up there; it looked so different. The world seemed so much bigger up there. I was sure that I could see forever! And the peace. It was so incredibly peaceful up in the cab of the combine. Not quiet, but it was soothing. I liked listening to the hum of that big machine and I loved sitting upon my dad's knee. It was perfect. And then, somehow, I would wake up on the floor of the cab of the combine. I had fallen asleep in perfect contentment next to my dad. He let me rest.

1 Peter 5:7 tells us, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." When I cast all of troubles, concerns, and anxiety on Him it is amazing what He does. God gives me a different perspective of life. God offers me the freedom to look at the world as He does. My Father gives me a "peace that passes all understanding" because He reminds me that everything is in His hands and will happen in His time. He lets me rest because He knows that worrisome days and sleepless nights are not good for my body.

And why? Why would God want me in this place? For the same reason my dad would take me up in the combine - because He loves me more than I could ever dream and He wants to spend time with me. Me! Of all people! The same God that spoke light into the world whispers how much He loves me in my ear.

Give Him everything you got. Your stuff cannot scare Him away. His promises are for you, He will be faithful! He will never let you down because He cares for you.

Ebeneezer

Do you have yours? Your Ebeneezer?

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebeneezer, saying, 'Thus far has the Lord helped us.'" 1 Samuel 7:12

A rock of help. That is simply what is. This rock helped Samuel and God's people remember what God had done for them. It helped them remember how He saved them and gave them victory over their enemy.

My Ebeneezer is actually at Camp Perkins. I visit it everytime I go up there. It is a place where God met me and forgave me and revealed Himself to me in a very real way. I sat on that rock, by the swimming area, crying and confessing and seeking something that was not deserved...forgiveness; and God gave Himself to me that day. It was the day I knew that He was real, that He was there, that He had something so much better for me than I could ever imagine. It was the day that I knew I would be a DCE and serve Him. I was 14.

I go back to that place every year to be reminded of how far God has helped me. I have sat on that rock at various times of my life confessing again and seeking fogiveness again. I know victory on that rock - battles have been won on that rock! And on that rock I worship The-God-Who-Sees-Me for who I am and loves beyond measure anyway. I offer my hands and heart to Him because of where I am now.

I should be dead. Probably physically - for sure spiritually. But He would not allow it. I am a benefit to Him. He looks at me and laughs with joy because we get to spend eternity together. All I can do is say thank you and share my heart and life for Jesus.

Where is your Ebeneezer? What happened to you there? Can you share it with me?

Light In The Darkness

I stared at the mountain before me while I was driving home tonight. Ok, so it isn't right before me...it's like 30 miles away. But still, I was watching the mountain. And though it was dark all around that mountain, I could see a car coming down Bogus Basin Road. The light was shining through the darkness and I could see it from as where I was at.

John writes about Jesus, "The light shines in the darkness..." In a dark and dying world, the promised One came and His light could not be ignored. His light - the light that exposed all the evil, that exposed all the sin, that exposed Satan himself - His light shot out into the darkness to bring knowledge and peace and love and forgiveness. His light made us able to look at God.

But it didn't end there. Though, it looked like darkness won when Christ died, that battle was far from over. The Light overcame that darkness and defeated death. No more fear. No more worries. "Oh death, where is your victory? Where is your sting?"

But it still hasn't ended. "For you were once in darkness, but now you are the light of the Lord. Live as children of the light." Do you understand? Christ's light does not just shine down from heaven. It is not just something we daydream about on Easter morning. Christ's light is alive and dwelling and shining in and through us. You. Me.

This is some kind of wonderful. Because I don't know about you...but sometimes, I think I must be filled with darkness. My life is so far from perfect. I cringe at myself.

But just like that car coming down from Bogus Basin so far away...just as the little headlights pierced the darkness of this April night; so, too, does Christ's light shine through my darkness, expose my sin and then pour over me His grace.

Grace so amazing that my greatest desire is to live as a child of the Light.

Pursued

Today was a great church day. I was able to hear and internalize what pastor preached about. This does not happen often, seriously. With three girls who are up and down all the time, who need to get a drink or they will die, who have to go to the bathroom so bad, who even have the blow thier nose or their life will end...I feel often as I am there only to tell them to "shhh." But today, I was able to sit and listen (and the girls did too).

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life..." Psalm 23:6.

I have pondered, taught, meditated, shared, been preached at and even heard this at many funerals. This psalm was the main message of my great grandma's funeral in fact. I love it. I, like so many, find comfort in this psalm of David. It is beautifully written and, I think, most people can relate to it in some way or another.

But this verse at the end of the psalm...goodness and love will follow me. The english does not do this psalm it's justice. Flip over to the Hebrew language and you get 'radaph': to run after, chase, hunt, pursue.

Do you get it? God is not following us from a distance trying to just sprinkle us with His goodness (pleasure, joy, kindness, bounty, wealth) and love (beauty, mercy, favor)...absolutley not! He is hunting us down, endlessly pursuing us and forcing His uncounditional nature on us whether we like it or not. Why? Because He is desparate for us. Because we need Him.

As I look at unbelievers I think, "God's goodness and love does not skip them. They are so blessed...they just don't know it." And as a believer, it hasn't stopped either. God still pursues me moment by moment because He loves me. I need to remember that. I need to reminded that I am still a pursued and sought after woman of God. I need that from the God Who Sees Me.

Take a moment today and be the one from the 10 who came back to thank God for pursuing you.

Just Forget It

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." Philippians 3:13

This scripture always takes me back to Mexico. Three times it has been a focus scripture - the verses 12-14 have great importance to me. Of all the speakers over the years and different lessons I have heard while there - three times I have (for a full week) been taught from the section. God must be really trying to teach me something here.

The last time I was there, in 2006, I was pregnant, uncomfortable yet completely loving every moment. Gary, the speaker, was teaching about the "forgetting" phrase.

When we look at our bodies...every piece of us faces forward with the exception of our butts. Our eyes, mouths, ears, feet, hands...it all is forward facing. In fact, we were created in such forwardness that is hard to and we have to strain to look behind. It is hindering to look back. Even dangerous at times - like when driving (or rollerskating as I learned yesterday at a church function) - to glance behind.

And the one part of us that does face back, was created for the purpose of getting rid of our garbage. We don't even like to look at what comes out (unless you are Oprah and you are seeing if it makes an "s".)

In this set of verses, Paul is telling us to look ahead - to keep the end of the race in view. He tells us to forget about what is behind, because really, does it matter? Was there a mistake? Fine! Learn from it and move forward. It is not good for runner to be looking back at a misstep because he will trip on what he is not watching out for.

Forget about it! Leave the crap behind you and strain toward what is ahead.

I love the next part, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." A competitor presses on. We look ahead for the finish line - heaven should be on our horizon.

What a glorious finish. Don't look back, it isn't worth it. Learn from it, forget about it and keep your eye on the goal.

Trying Out Hope

A man with leprosy came down and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Matthew 8:2

How many times have I said, "God, I am willing." Or, I've said it in a variety of ways, "Lord, heal me," "Lord, help me," "Lord, I want this...can you give it to me?" "Lord, I just want to stop hurting."

But looking at this Scripture, I am being taught to, maybe, speak to God another way.

This man has leprosy. He is has been outcast from society...especically by the people of God. He is unclean and unloved. Never touched because the sight of him drove fear into people.

So easily he could have called to Jesus from his square of the world, "Heal me!" But he didn't. When he saw Jesus, he went directly to him and knelt before Him. And what does he say?

"Lord, if you are willing..."

This diseased man knows that it is all about Jesus. It has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with the Son of God.

And then he states the obvious, "you can..."

Of course Jesus can! But I rarely have the faith that He can. Maybe I look at my unworthiness and think, "why would He want to?"

I must look at this lepor and learn, it is not about me, it is all about Jesus.

"You can..." and I believe it! Oh, to have faith like this! To know and acknowledge what God can do and seek Him in His Will.

And I believe, when I approach, like this man, Jesus will look at me and say, "I am willing."