I am often overwhelmed with my past. There is not much to proud of or to speak of there. I was a complete disaster. And though that is not who I am now...my past does creep up on me at times and slap me across the face. I am a former pit-dweller and every now and then I return to my pit - the one I decorated and lived in for so long - and I allow the memories to wash over me and even begin to choke me.
I am secure in who I am in Christ...please don't get me wrong. I have been rescued and God has no desire for me to jump down into the past so that I can be burdened again. By His grace I was, as I said, rescued and He has used it in incredible ways. Ways that I never thought possible and have brought hundreds, I am sure, to a place where healing can begin. I have confidence, like Joseph, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20)
When the old feelings begin, when satan whispers in my ear, I only need to go to Scripture to be reminded of a love that does not end...and does not even depend on me.
In the Hebrew Old Testament there are two forms of love that are used to describe God. The first is Ahab: it means to desire, to be inclined to, to delight in, to breathe after. I believe, as we have been made in His image, this type of love is part of who we are. It is a feeling, a very strong feeling.
The other kind of love used in Hebrew is Chesed: it describes loyalty, steadfastness, a covenant commitment. It accepts moral obligation for the welfare of the person who is loved. It is a kind of love that does not depend on the response or behavior of the receiver. This is a kind of love that is unique to the character of the only God. God does not depend on us to love Him back, He loves because we are His creation. No matter who we are and how hard we push Him away, God remains loyal. He has made a promise to us to love us...no matter what.
"I have loved you with an ever-lasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3
The first love is ahab and the second is chesed: " ...I have stretched out commitment to you no matter what happens."
This love becomes very visible when we look at Jesus. Blood shed for a world who doesn't even know His name. In Greek, this is agape: unconditional love.
This love is what I have to keep coming back to. This love is what brought me out of the pit. This love is what keeps me sharing my story to a world who desperately needs healing. This love is redemption.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Holy God
I used to feel overwhelmed by the biblical account of the followers of God. The greats, like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Joseph, Moses and David. Daniel and Jonah. Paul. John. Who am I compared to these? And yet, as I study more and more, I am learning they did not lead lives that I should care to follow.
Abraham had a dysfunctional family. And please...I do not want to have a child at 90. Isaac had twin boys whom he treated differently...favortism toward Esau did not help the brotherly bonds and Jacob...well, he was a deceiver! Jacob was also the deceived. He worked for 7 long years for his beloved Rachel only to wake up the morning after the wedding to find her sister Leah laying beside him. After working for 7 more years, he was able to marry his Rachel...but not without a price. Two wives and two maidservants gave him 12 sons and one daughter...and of all of them...he showed his favortism toward just one - Joseph. And it goes on and on. Joseph was sold into slavery and thrown in prison. Moses was called to help set the Israelites free - not an easy task. David, the 2nd king, was tempted and got Bathsheba pregnant. And because of his war history was never able to see the temple built. Daniel was thrown into a den of lions. Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Paul persecuted Christians and was martyred. John...he was exiled to Patmos. But what would have been harder...he was the only disciple to live a long life. All the rest of his friends were killed. All of them.
But what did each of these men have that I should want to follow after? A special relationship with God. They spoke with Him. They loved Him. And even before they loved Him...they knew they were loved by Him. Abraham looked up and saw the stars...his descendants. Jacob saw the ladder. Moses saw Him in the burning bush. David was a man after God's own heart. Daniel would not bow down to another. Jonah witnessed (though was not excited about) the saving of thousands upon thousands of wicked people. Jesus stopped Paul in the road. John. John saw heaven come down and he saw his name on one of the stones. Yes! His name was already there before he was. God used broken and bruised people for His mighty work!
I can look at the stars and know that one of the stars that Abraham saw was for me. The promise that Abraham and Isaac and Jacob heard from God included me. I want to be a woman after God's own heart...and I can be. This isn't just for the man David. Jesus will stop any of us in the road when the time comes. And though my name is not on a pillar in heaven...His name is written on my forehead and on my heart.
And Moses, when he came down off the mountain...his face was shining. Radiating. I think God still does this today. That is part of His holiness. It is spectacular! And He makes us shine from the inside out.
"Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD." Psalm 4:6
And may that light shine through me!
Abraham had a dysfunctional family. And please...I do not want to have a child at 90. Isaac had twin boys whom he treated differently...favortism toward Esau did not help the brotherly bonds and Jacob...well, he was a deceiver! Jacob was also the deceived. He worked for 7 long years for his beloved Rachel only to wake up the morning after the wedding to find her sister Leah laying beside him. After working for 7 more years, he was able to marry his Rachel...but not without a price. Two wives and two maidservants gave him 12 sons and one daughter...and of all of them...he showed his favortism toward just one - Joseph. And it goes on and on. Joseph was sold into slavery and thrown in prison. Moses was called to help set the Israelites free - not an easy task. David, the 2nd king, was tempted and got Bathsheba pregnant. And because of his war history was never able to see the temple built. Daniel was thrown into a den of lions. Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Paul persecuted Christians and was martyred. John...he was exiled to Patmos. But what would have been harder...he was the only disciple to live a long life. All the rest of his friends were killed. All of them.
But what did each of these men have that I should want to follow after? A special relationship with God. They spoke with Him. They loved Him. And even before they loved Him...they knew they were loved by Him. Abraham looked up and saw the stars...his descendants. Jacob saw the ladder. Moses saw Him in the burning bush. David was a man after God's own heart. Daniel would not bow down to another. Jonah witnessed (though was not excited about) the saving of thousands upon thousands of wicked people. Jesus stopped Paul in the road. John. John saw heaven come down and he saw his name on one of the stones. Yes! His name was already there before he was. God used broken and bruised people for His mighty work!
I can look at the stars and know that one of the stars that Abraham saw was for me. The promise that Abraham and Isaac and Jacob heard from God included me. I want to be a woman after God's own heart...and I can be. This isn't just for the man David. Jesus will stop any of us in the road when the time comes. And though my name is not on a pillar in heaven...His name is written on my forehead and on my heart.
And Moses, when he came down off the mountain...his face was shining. Radiating. I think God still does this today. That is part of His holiness. It is spectacular! And He makes us shine from the inside out.
"Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD." Psalm 4:6
And may that light shine through me!
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